I’ve been angry. Really really angry lately. I can’t exactly find the true source of the anger, but I suspect it’s connected to my grief. Shutting myself in my room is the best thing I can come up with to deal with it as of now. Protect others from myself. My very angry, cranky self. The problem is that isolation hurts too… being alone in my anger. But I’m not asking for anyone to reach out. Several friends have and I’ve shared with them what’s going on. And God is with me I know, but sometimes I’m just so angry at him too. Glad he can take it. I’ve tried prayer, worship music, exercise, watching inspirational videos on YouTube. They’ve all given a bit of relief and comfort, but that anger keeps coming back lately. I can push it aside long enough to teach students and smile and laugh, but then it returns at night or as body tension in the morning, when I’m hoping for a new day. Maybe it’s hormones I keep wondering? It could very well be that. Or maybe there is some legitimate reason inside for being so angry… uh, duh, my daughter died. My highly analytical nature has come up with some possible, deeper reasons for this, which I won’t go into in this blog.
What I really want to talk about is what do you do when you’re so angry you want to punch something or someone??! Anger is often the emotion we fear most. We fear what it will do to us if we give in to it or what we are capable of doing to others if we give into it. It can be an extremely intense emotion that many of us don’t know how to express. Especially women. And in our various social circles, especially Christian circles, the message can easily be given that women should NOT be angry. We should be soft spoken, non opinionated, passive and subservient. Umm, really? But what if we have good reason to feel angry? Even Jesus was enraged at injustice in the world. Abuse, deceit, death. All are reasons to feel anger. And what if this anger goes unexpressed? What will it do inside our hearts and bodies? What if not expressing anger is actually more detrimental than the feared anger itself?
I found this article on The Effects of Anger - 5 Ways It Affects You, Even if You Don’t Think It Does and it shows that unexpressed anger definitely has detrimental affects on your health, relationships and emotions.
Freud apparently is the one credited with the saying “depression is anger turned inwards”. Anxiety is closely related to depression and according to several polls, about 1 in 5 Americans are taking anti-anxiety meds. For teens, this number is 1 in 4. This is really high people!
So back to the question… how the heck do we get this anger out of our bodies so we don’t end up with worse problems??! What do we do when we just wanna punch something?! Well I say, go punch something! Maybe there’s really something to that instinct. Some knowing that your body is trying to tell you. I’ve been thinking of getting a punching bag myself. But please find something that won’t hurt anyone or any important items, and go knock the crap out of it. Or maybe you need to go for a run, do some yoga or scream in your car until the windows almost shatter. Any kind of physical activity can tremendously help release that awful energy that feels trapped. I think I need more of this. For me, I’ve been putting off writing this blog, even though I had a feeling that writing about it would help me. And it strangely has. But now, I’m gonna go search YouTube for “angry yoga” and see what I can find to further help it release from my body.
Try whatever you can friends, but don’t hold onto that anger for too long or you’ll pay the price. Go have some fun screaming in your pillow and ripping it to shreds! Maybe as you’re surrounded in the mess, it’ll even give you a good laugh afterwards!!